I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
