Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
