I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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