I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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