I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
