You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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