I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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