I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
