I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
