Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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