Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
