ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
