She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
