he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
