I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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