Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
