This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Damn victory sex feels great
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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