dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
