Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Couch. On fire.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
