did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do vagina's smell?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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