I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I will be naked everywhere
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
