I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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