my phone needs a breathalizer
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
