I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
