so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
