wat bout pragnant strippers??
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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