You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
