Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
