I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
