He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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