Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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