So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
