eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
