woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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