This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
