So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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