"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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