Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
