I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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