First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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