I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
