Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
