i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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