i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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