she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
