He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
