He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
