News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
