no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
