What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
