i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
